when you're gone

When reality kicks in..i couldn’t stop thinking of the times when u are still alive and my life was full of hope and dreams..everyday when u were alive, i keep having this repeating image, u verse the akad of taking me as your wife..and our life together as husband and wife..having a child,named aisya binti Alif Abu Bakar and nazeem bin alif abu bakar..i never told u any of this because i want to tell you after the ceremony of our engagement..i want to tell you how i imagine waking up every morning with you by my side, to pray with u as my imam, to cook breakfast,lunch and dinner for you, prepare your shirts before you go to work, see u off to work..how i felt so much love of doing all that for you..then how i imagine,we travel to Australia together because i want to continue doing specialisation there and you can do your photography there..it was my plan,that i want to share with you..how i can have all that hope and dreams line up because i love you so much that everything i dream of has u in it..now you are gone..i don’t know where i’m heading..every morning i wake up, i felt the void within me..when you were alive, the mornings felt alive with so much light..and having to say i love you everyday make my living worth more than i could ever imagine..now..i’m in the dark..i can’t imagine anymore how my life would be like in the future..

When reality kicks in..i couldn’t stop thinking of the times when u are still alive and my life was full of hope and dreams..everyday when u were alive, i keep having this repeating image, u verse the akad of taking me as your wife..and our life together as husband and wife..having a child,named aisya binti Alif Abu Bakar and nazeem bin alif abu bakar..i never told u any of this because i want to tell you after the ceremony of our engagement..i want to tell you how i imagine waking up every morning with you by my side, to pray with u as my imam, to cook breakfast,lunch and dinner for you, prepare your shirts before you go to work, see u off to work..how i felt so much love of doing all that for you..then how i imagine,we travel to Australia together because i want to continue doing specialisation there and you can do your photography there..it was my plan,that i want to share with you..how i can have all that hope and dreams line up because i love you so much that everything i dream of has u in it..now you are gone..i don’t know where i’m heading..every morning i wake up, i felt the void within me..when you were alive, the mornings felt alive with so much light..and having to say i love you everyday make my living worth more than i could ever imagine..now..i’m in the dark..i can’t imagine anymore how my life would be like in the future..

speechless

at this moment..i can't really feel what i should feel..because it is empty.
it is sad..but he lives inside my heart..forever i know he will be..my prayers is with him each day..i pray that he is happy,well there which i know he is..i want to be his angel in heaven.thats my dream..

i miss u sayang..everyday..

kesadaran

bila pinangan itu masuk untuk diriku..saat itu aku merasakan bahagia dan ketenangan yang tidak dapat kuungkapkan dengan kata-kata. saat itu juga aku tahu aku bersedia untuk menjadi isteri yang baik kepada bakal suamiku. aku beristikharah, mengharapkan petunjuk dari yang Maha Esa. aku mahu yakin dialah lelaki yang Allah takdirkan untuk menjadi suami ku. hati aku tenang dan yakin, dia adalah orangnya.

aku bersedia untuk memberi sepenuh hati dan kesetiaan kepada dia.tapi..tidak ada istilah bercinta atau hubungan antara laki-laki dan perempuan sebelum nikah. kerna, setiap yang terjadi bertentangan dengan syariat atau hukum itu pasti akan mendatangkan masalah pada kedua pihak. dari pihak aku, aku sering merasa tidak tenang, tidak gembira dengan dirinya. aku merasa seolah-olah dia tidak menyayangi aku sepertimana aku menyayangi dia. belaian kasih yang aku dambakan tidak terpenuhi. aku sering marah, sedih dengan dia.

suatu hari aku berdoa, untuk Allah memberi aku petunjuk bagaimana aku harus menjalani hubungan dengan bakal suamiku sebelum kami bernikah. aku temu jawapan hari ini. aku akan berkawan dengan nya dan cuba mengenali hati budinya. tidak lebih dan tidak kurang sebagai kawan. aku yakin, apabila tiba masa, kami disatukan, cinta itu pasti berputik dengan sendirinya kerna Allah itu maha Pengasih lagi maha Penyayang. cinta yang hadir pasti akan lebih diredhai. aku akan berbuat mengikut jalan yang benar. sepertimana dia dtg kepadaku dengan cara yang baik. dengan cara yang betul dan baik juga kami akan mengalami perasaan cinta itu.

aku harap die bersabar dan aku harap die akan tahu,yakin bahwa aku akan menjadi yang terbaik utk dirinya.:)

wife

what being a wife means to me

i have a great role model, my mother. she is a great women, wife and mother. when i see my future as a wife, i see how i want to be just like my mother.

syurga pada seorang isteri adalah di bawah telapak kaki suami. semakin dia taat, semakin dekat nikmat kurniaan Allah itu. tidak susah untuk seorang wanita mendapat tempat di syurga, hanya dengan taat kepada suami. taat itu haruslah diperdalamkan, dipahami maksud sebenar. kekuatan wanita itu, tidak dapat dilihat secara zahir, tetapi dapat dirasa dan dilihat hasilnya. untuk taat sendiri pada suami, seorang isteri haruslah ikhlas dalam menjalani kehidupan bersama-sama dengan suami.

i have not been a wife yet, but i will be soon. i have only hopes, good dreams, about how i want to be the best i can for my future husband.

me being me

i can be fun to you..be crazy, and cool about certain stuff..but i can't hide the fact:

when i am stress, i will be needing you more than ever. just a simple hello or hye will be enough for me to get through the day. i dnt need you to make me happy. i just need you because the presence of you will make me stronger.

when i am happy, i will make you happy, because i dnt want to be having this feeling on my own.

when i am in the mood of wanting to be cuddle, i will give you sign such as,telling u i miss you..so much
when i am angry, it will be me, trying to put the anger off by telling you about it, but i dnt want u to help me..just listen.

i really want us to work..i really believe you are the one for me even when i see the difference in us.

i have faith in us.

the proposal

suddenly i am without words

happy people should have something happy enough to be put here to let people know that life is fair. every happiness will have their sad times. and sad times does not stay. there'll be a bright life ahead. the more pain you undergo, the bigger happiness will lead your way. but it all depend on one thing, how you accepting your fate with open heart. never stop believing in Allah's power. only to Him we go back.

why the statement above is the introduction..because i want to share the happiest moment i have recently. before this moment happen, i been through a lot. heartache over heartache. and always i will cry on my sleep, during my prayers. but never i give up on Him. i pray to Allah, please, let me be in love just with the guy that is going to be my husband. i couldn't take it anymore. getting hurt over and over again. for one year i pray for him to come..then one day, he came in a way where i feel so blessed. Subhanaallah. when my beloved friends,cousins undergo pain, the one i used to feel, i really really hope that they will stay strong and never stop believing that the jodoh will come in a good way and when it comes, no hesitation will occur.most important, istikharah.

a marriage proposal came to me. not by the guy but by his parents. i don't know him. never did we have any conversation during the years of growing up. but we do know each other because our parents are friends. when my dad ask me, my heart do not want to say no. i know his parents. they are nice people. i love his mother. so i have faith that this guy whom i accept to be my husband must someone nice also. just by knowing his parents. and i was not wrong. the day i accepted the ring from his mother, was the happiest moment and it felt different. a feeling where someone is accepting u, wanting u to be part of their family. that evening, i went out with his family. it was nice and warm. i grow to love each of them. even when at that time, i only start to have relationship with him. i fall in love with the family first. :)

that day, after i pray..my heart was full. the happiness, the peace, i thank Allah for everything that happen that moment. sujud syukur was the only action i could think of. i felt so bless that day.

now, being apart from him, getting to know him. my decision was right. he is perfect for me. he love me just the way i am. he wants me to be the best i can be, and never he stop me or complaint even when i am busy with my studies. he brings out the best in me, where no one could ever do. my hope and happiness lies on him now..i want to be the best wife to him, carry his child and take care of him. he will be my heaven on earth and my partner til the end.

him

i am blessed.

after for so long, finally you are here. YOU are my other half. the one i have been waiting for a very long time.

sayang,
nothing could ever make me feel this composed and calm. from the first moment i agree to accept your proposal, we make our family very happy. without realising, it is us living this life. i can say now, u complete me. i love the purity within you. i love the thought of having u in my life. but most of all, I LOVE YOU.