depressing

maggie hangus was my nickname when i was in primary school. because my hair was curly like maggie and since its black, my friends decide to call me that.

my hair was my identity. there was once my mum's friend told my mum,if ever i was lost in the city, it will be easy to find me and recognise me as my mum's daughter because of my hair. its my identity that i am proud of, often when i was small, everytime i am in front of the mirror combing my long curly hair, i would tell myself, i'll be a very beautiful grown women one day..haha.so perasan of me that time.:P

i was eager to grow up since i was 12. that was when i get my first period. and never did i stop to think why would i want to grow up so fast. i was ready to buy make ups, put on handbags, and look older than my age, but i don't know why i did all that. all i know, i want to grow up fast.

12 years after..now, i look myself in the mirror and combing my hair, i have that flashback of myself with that thought 12 years ago..would i be proud of myself with what i achieve now????i'm not happy.

i am so far away from my family, miss all the moments seeing my little sisters and little brother grow up, my parents getting older, my nephew growing up to learn to speak and walk..i miss all that and i always regeret for having the thought of wanting to get away from my family 12 years ago.

i was immature back then, always been wild and wanting freedom from my parents. thats why i have that thought.

alone here, making all the wrong decisions. get myself in love with the biggest jerk ever, wasted 3 years loving him when it is not worth it. doing medicine here when i know, i'll get screwed over when i'm back in malaysia. why didn't i just do better the last time????

i'm at my lowest point right now and hoping to get up.

dearest

life is changing very fast..

my BESTFRIEND is GETTING MARRIED in a few months time with the guy i know, can take care of her and love her truthfully. when i watch adamaya, i see adam in my going-to-be bestfriend's husband. i'm happy because i know,its not fiction,that kind of guy does exist. to honor the responsibility and love sincerely.

but,that is not what i'm going to talk about.

i'm in a transititon zone now. in a few months time, everything will change. it felt like, i am standing still at the side of the road watching cars passes by carrying all the memories. on the other side, there's a bright light of the future.

but i can't stop or hesitate. it will change and i will adapt. i'll be a grown woman. make mistakes so i can learn. have fun going through the unexpected of life. lastly, to always be grateful with Allah.

dear bestfriend,
i love you like a sister,
i get mad over people who don't like you or talk bad about you,
i miss you when we are apart,
i seek for you when i am lonely,
u are my advisor, my friend and my sister,
as this time goes by,
i'll watch you being given away as a wife,
i'll pray for you everyday.

happiness will always come your way,
i used to tell you that right?
and i'm glad that i am right.

i'm going to miss you a lot,
but just go,
be a good wife i know you'll be.

i know its not a goodbye,
but i want you to know,
i'm going to be fine,
do not worry about me,
i'll get through the bright light of my future,
i'll learn to see my way through,
nothing is impossible to a willing heart.

u taught me that.:)

Love

its late at night. and this is the time where i usually have so many words in my head that goes around.

i'm 24 years old. i am single. at this age, i watch as my friends, settling down, to found their perfect match, it makes me wonder when will be the time i'll found mine. i believe in jodoh and fate. i believe, each human being are made a pair. no one is ever alone, its the matter when or where they meet. it can be here,now in this earth. or it can be in the afterlife.

i have so many love stories inside my pocket. the one i experienced, since i am at the age of 16 til 23. i have various kind. breaking hearts and get my heart broken. been there,done that.lets just say, i've been in both sides. that actually an advantage,because now, i know, what i really need in a guy.

i know i'll meet him one day. when that day comes, my heart will not hesitate and so does his heart. he'll love and accept me the way i am and will never stop me from doing what i love, understand my passion and break this walls i made for men.

wherever you are my prince charming,
i've been waiting for you for quite a while,
and it has been a very long journey,
when we meet,
i promise you my heart,
i promise you my love,
and i promise you my soul,
i'll be your wife and i'll mother your child,
and forever is what i will give you,
even when death do us apart.