love vs dream

girl: i'm sorry, i love you..but i don't think i love you enough to stand up for our love.

boy: why are you doing this to me again? have i not show you how my love towards you is bigger than i love myself?

girl: i know..but there's so much in front and i don't think WE can survive it..

(that was a conversation between two lovers who have great passion on one another but then the girl saw her dream lying in front that she can't afford to have both. the dream was too big and needed her all. she thinks that time, being 20 and so many opportunities in hand, love can wait..)

she was wrong..love waits for no one. u either grab it and never let it go or you choose not to have it.

now, the girl almost have what she wants..but she never felt emptier and desperate like she did now. it make her think back about the decision she take, choosing her dream and let go of the one person she knows love her perfectly and will never stop to love her no matter what.

when that guy moves on..she wants to be happy, for he have found his happiness and he's going to start a new life, by marrying that person. but how can she do that, when the regret and guilt is still there. when the thought of one day, he'll be back together with her still lingers. the thought that no one can love her the way he did.

8 years ago...
a girl and a boy never know that one look and one smile, it change their life and bring love to their heart. a passion that is so great that the love was felt for so many years even when they are apart and hating each other for so many years..
boy: i want to protect you and to love you forever
girl: i want to be your wife and love you forever

its just a memory now..the girl have her dream but with no one to love or be loved. and the boy gets married and lived happily ever after.

the crush

call me crazy, but i really really feeling like a little girl who found her first crush.OMG right??? hahahaha.so gedik of me.

frankly, i do that sooo many times, that i lost count. i have this habit of liking someone easily. most of the time, it shows,especially when i am talking to that particular person. i will grin widely and smile with my eyes. even my friends notice it. i really like to see good looking guys, especially if he is the type that is shy and play hard to get.:P

but now..hmm...it is really hard to not talk to this particular guy everyday. it is hard to not like him more everyday, when i know, i should not do that. because from the past, i know, when a girl likes a guy and go for it, usually, that guy won't appreciate the girl and truly love her. yes, now, the world is different, girl have the same fighting chance.

but trust me, trying to make a guy fall in love is not an easy work. they are very persistent with their feeling,especially if they truly found the one that they love. nothing can break that, not even with time. i learn that through a hard way. aih..

and don't think i try to steal someone's bf. i don't. he told me he broke up with her, for 3 years i believe that. and it was never like that.

by the way..i think i might like this guy even more. but the thing is, i'm not going to do anything about it. i'm just going to watch him everyday, smile,talk and be his friend:)

my besties

i'm so happy living here in indonesia with my girls.:) they are the best of friends one i could never imagine exist. i love them to bits for making me feel happy each day when they are around.

they are always there when i am sick, in trouble or in pain. there was a time, when i was warded, they took turns taking care of me. hold my hands when i was in pain because i couldn't pee. hold my hands, when i was in pain moving my legs and various other kinds.

i could never hate them. i could never want to stop being their friends no matter what. we're sisters.

AZ..somehow i couldn't figure out who looks like the eldest, u or D..hehe.but then, u have this strong character which is more mature and wise. u see things differently, and u make people feel special. and, dear, we used to be this soulmate. no secrets between each other. u know the darkest side of me. and u know me perfectly.

D..u are a one very strong girl. your strength is inspiring as i wish to have that strength. u just do what u feel right and voice out your opinion. you help people when they needed it without seeking any return from it. how pure your heart is. even with the strong appearance with stylish looking that shows no softness, i know, your heart is sincere and pure. i feel happy everytime i am with you, which sometimes, makes me want u to be here with me all the time.:)

AI..u are a very hardworking and determined girl. there are so many times, where we would like to have fun,where u would say no because u want to study. trust me, that is one strength i wish i could have, to say no to temptation.:p..u do things the way u want it to be, and don't care about others, meaning u know what u have to do and are not easily influenced by others. everytime i'm with you, i will have this courage to study and be a better in my studies. even with the determination and not easily influenced, i know u care.:)

F..i would say,we have a bit of the same character. maybe because both of us is soft and sweet.:P..there are so many drama between us, and yet, i still think of u part of us always. u're a very kind person, like D, u never hesitate to help. u help me a LOT! i really really miss u to bit.

girls,
we meet because of fate,
the fate that put us together in a very unlike situation,
but we stick together like a glue.

lets keep this bond,
even when the time comes and we have to be on our own way,
making plans, having a family, carry on with the future ahead,
we will have this special place in our hearts,
that have all the memories of us growing up in Indonesia.

love you girls to bits!

its been a wild week!!

frankly,i'm kinda tired with having this back pain again. not able to get up and walk to various place,do many kind of works with the ability to walk. how i am grateful with the days i'll get sometimes without those pain. i get it regularly now, because i'm in internal medicine department which force me to climb stairs and have night shifts and can't sit and walk around. so it is really not good for my back.

i was thinking, with the condition i have, will i be able to be pregnant and carry the baby for nine months????scary thought as being a mother is number two list with what i want in life.

if i can go working for 48 hours without sleep,climbing so many stairs, and stand for many hours, i think i can manage being pregnant.:P.hahah

Allah is there looking out for me. and He is the source of my strength.

i'm focusing to walk now..:)